This article was on National Public Radio recently. It has a good and thought provoking message.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

We've made some changes!

Over the summer, we've re-designed the website. The new design should allow us to add features that we couldn't before -- keep watching the site as we bring more of them up! Also, it should be faster then before.

Let us know what you think!

“Descartes was wrong !!!” --Jane Healy, Ph.D.

On Saturday, the teachers and I attended a workshop with Jane Healy, who is an authority on brain development and author of several books on the subject. A feisty, self-identified “crone”, she is an inspiration to those of us involved in early childhood education. Dr. Healy’s dispute with this particular Frenchman involves his famous “I think, therefore I am” dictum--her point being that the body and the intellect cannot, and must not, be separated.

The truth is that each new study of brain development seems to further cement the relationship between physical activity and cognitive function. Parts of the brain long thought to be associated only with motor control are turning out to be crucial to thinking as well, with connections to memory, spatial orientation, attention, language, and decision making, to name just a few.

Robyn Brown, a frequent guest speaker of our Parenting by Heart series, is founder and lead teacher of the Mulberry Classroom in San Rafael, where she very successfully works with students who have learning difficulties. Much of her work involves, in essence, turning back the clock for these children by making physical activity---walking, running, crawling, rolling, and so on---a major part of the daily curriculum. Robyn’s extensive background in Waldorf Education and her straightforward style of speaking have made her a favorite resource for our Mountain School staff.

So why is this important for our preschool- and Kindergarten-aged children?

Says Robyn, “As children grow, they pass through many milestones. Standing, walking and speaking are some of the obvious ones, but there are other more subtle achievements as well. Children moving into the years of pre-school and kindergarten should be orienting themselves within the geography of their own bodies and learning to feel intrinsically how that inner geography relates to the space around them. When a child meets challenges within these relationships, it could mean that certain tasks needed for the academic world of the grade school will be more difficult than they need to be. Learning to support the young child in acquiring healthy movement is a way to facilitate healthy learning capacity later on.”

In an era when recess and physical education programs are increasingly being edged out of our schools, even as children spend unprecedented numbers of hours sitting in cars or in front of screens, we all have a responsibility to educate ourselves on this topic, and ideally, to become advocates for change. Our children deserve no less.

Autumn is here, and with it, the beginning of a new school year. This year promises to be full of growth and learning at the Mountain School, as we welcome back old friends and bring new friends into our. community

What a glorious time of year is this! Even the often dark and cloudy skies provide a backdrop that makes the fall foliage colors all the more dramatic. I hope you are taking at least a moment each day to revel in Mother Nature’s gifts.

Speaking of darkness, I imagine that some of you have been reading and/or discussing the rather disturbing series the San Francisco Chronicle is running about the Golden Gate Bridge. I am sorry to report that some of it has filtered down into classroom and playground conversation among the children.

I think it does not dishonor such a serious topic to say that this kind of information has no place in the world of the young child. As parents and teachers, we strive each day to shelter children from frightening images and information they can neither comprehend nor respond to in any constructive way. Sometimes, newspapers must be tucked away for adult eyes only. Always, we must be careful what we discuss within earshot, whether petty complaints or concerns about the future of humanity!

Of course, every now and then children are exposed to something we would rather they had not seen or heard. Then, fears and curiosity must be addressed. The key is to offer, in one’s calmest matter-of-fact manner, the simplest possible explanation. For example, in the case of flashing lights and emergency vehicles on the freeway, one might say, “Some people need help, and the police are taking care of them.” Limited information, inexplicit, yet truthful. What a child needs is reassurance, and fewer details than you might imagine.

I cannot stress enough the importance of nurturing in children their innate belief that the world is generally a good and safe place to be---and it is, despite what the media may bring into our homes each day. What we are providing is a solid and secure foundation from which they will someday move forward and become good citizens with a positive vision for the future.

In the meantime, let us gather autumn leaves and immerse ourselves in the beauty and wonder of the world around us.

Somewhere between the time I was born and the time I had children of my own, people stopped “raising children” and started “parenting”, seemingly a much more complicated and stressful process. Books were written, seminars were held, new theories abounded--and it seemed that all too often, children were “running the show”.

While certainly, we are blessed with new insights and information not available to my parents’ generation, there is evidence that we may have gotten a bit sidetracked, even skipped a few steps along the way. In our desire to make sure that our children have the best we can give them as soon as possible--all kinds of lessons, state-of-the-art doodads, designer clothes, and so on---we have forgotten that the true needs of children under seven are simpler (and less expensive!) than we may think.

Probably the most important need of the young child, however precocious, is the absolute certainty that you, the parent, are firmly in control of your household. Though children can and will protest (loudly!) the decisions you make--from what they eat for breakfast to what time they go to bed--they really do want to believe that you know what is best for them, and they really do not want to be in charge. Leaving that enormous responsibility to you allows children to relax and go about the business of, well, just being children!

Whether you are “raising children” or “parenting”, guiding children toward a happy, healthy adulthood can be a daunting task. Empowering yourself as a parent makes the journey richer and more secure for all involved.

A mother who successfully raised ten (yes, ten!) children on her own once said, “The biggest mistake people make with their children is they forget the goal is not to raise children, but to raise adults.” Otherwise, what we end up with are people who, although perhaps successful otherwise, do not fully reach their potential as human beings.

Says parenting expert John Rosemond, “Parenting isn’t about today or tomorrow. It’s about 25 years from now. Keep that in the forefront of your thinking, and you’ll hardly ever go wrong.”

"No computer can teach what a walk through a pine forest feels like. Sensation has no substitute," --Clifford Stoll, Silicon Snake Oil

So often I hear Waldorf education defined in the negative, by what we don’t do: we don’t watch television, we don’t have computers in our classrooms, and so forth.

It might surprise you to know that Waldorf middle school students have, on occasion, been assigned to watch a particular television program, or that computer programming is taught in Waldorf high schools.

“There is nothing that ‘isn’t Waldorf.’ It’s just a question of when,” says Donald Bufano, former chair of the Association of Waldorf Schools of North America. This is so important! When we attempt to push children ahead of their developmental schedules, there is always the chance of skipping over some essential elements which might have served them well in later life, socially, academically, and even physically.

In founding Waldorf, Rudolf Steiner was adamant that education be placed in the hands of educators and not of bureaucrats. Far from anti-technology evangelizing, we encourage parents to make thoughtful and appropriate choices based on the best information we can gather.

Last week one of our parents mentioned hearing an interview with the authors of Unplug the Christmas Machine Jo Robinson and Jean Staeheli, reminding me of that volume which has long had a place of honor on my bookshelf, and whose title alone inspires me to be continually mindful of the way I approach this time of year.

I remember all too vividly navigating the holidays with small children. It is not an easy task you undertake! It is ironic that during a season which so inundates us with stimulation, we actually can emerge sensually deprived, not to mention exhausted and perhaps a bit numb. The mission of parents, says Staeheli, should be to show their kids that, no, that’s not all there is to the holidays.

In our modern day hustle and bustle, it is important not to overlook the simple sensory delights: the smell of goodies baking, the sight of a glowing flame, the sound of favorite songs being sung. But before you groan at the idea of adding cookies, candles and choirs to your already overwhelming list of gifts and chores, consider this: Upon interviewing hundreds of adults on their memories of childhood holidays, Staeheli and Robinson, discovered that “...rarely could they remember gifts. They remembered the feelings, the rituals and the relationships.” Furthermore, when asked to imagine their perfect holiday, most envisioned “...simple gifts, natural decorations, a fire, traditional food, leisurely schedules, music, time spent out-of-doors and an emphasis on family activities.”

“Children want their parents to interpret the season for them so that it has meaning,” says Staeheli. “Traditions needn’t be expensive or elaborate. Anything can be a ritual if approached with a certain spirit.” Remember the simplicity and brevity of our Lantern Walk!

So my wish for you this holiday season is this: that you step back for a moment and find some tiny seed of ritual to plant, something that represents whatever the significance of this season is for you and your family. Something you will shelter and nourish, and send along with your children into their future. Trust me; it’s what they really want.

The novelist Fay Weldon wrote, “The greatest advantage of not having children must be that you can go on believing you are a nice person: once you have children, you realize how wars start.”

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

I hope those of you who have heard Dr. Robert Shaw speak, or have read his book The Epidemic, were inspired by his message: that communicating to your children that you know what’s best for them, and that you expect them to do as you say, is not harsh but rather, very, very kind.

As he was establishing the first Waldorf school, Rudolf Steiner wrote to a friend, “How does life become play and activity in the Kindergarten so that eventually a metamorphosis will become realized: so that in adult life, work and social activity will acquire the same intensity and love of action which was present in the child’s play? “

This blurring of the line between work and play seems to me to be an important element of happiness and satisfaction. Certainly, it is a valuable model for our children.

My husband, who works evenings, used to say to our children after dinner, “I’m so sorry, but I have to go to work now.” One day I tactfully (I hope) pointed out to him that actually, he wasn’t sorry at all! Of course he loves his children, and would have liked to stay and spend more time with them, but he loves his work, too--and it was important for our children to grow up knowing that. In this way, though he wasn’t physically present, he would be improving the chances that they, too, would grow up and find work they loved. Or, as Eugene Schwartz put it, he would be helping them in “...cultivating [their] future relationship to [their] own deeds...”.

As you know, at The Mountain School there is little distinction made between play and work. Both are important elements of our day. Your children chop vegetables and sweep the floor with the same happy abandon we see when they construct puppet shows and dress the dolls. They help each other both by sharing tasks and by joining in games together.

In a culture where all too often our family activities are focused solely around consumerism--of goods, entertainment, and restaurant food-- our annual Family Work Day is a nurturing model, as our children observe and participate in a community working joyfully together toward the greater good!

It speaks volumes about our current-day culture when an article entitled “How to Say ‘No’ to your Kids” is the featured story of this week’s issue of Newsweek, bumping the upcoming presidential election to the edge of the cover.

As parents, we find ourselves wrestling with the “n” word and our children more often than we care to, countless instances every day. To make matters more complicated, we each bring with us a number of ideas and acquired associations with the word “no”, and sometimes experience difficulty using it in our adult dealings as well. It’s no surprise that Megan LeBoutillier’s “No!” is a Complete Sentence , subtitled “Learning the Sacredness of Personal Boundaries”, is still selling well (with some help from Oprah repeating the “mantra”).

The Newsweek article is a good one, but I think the following piece, "The Gift of No" --reprinted from Renewal magazine, a Waldorf publication--is more comprehensive and relevant to the preschool age child. I hope you will find within it some nuggets of courage and inspiration for getting comfortable as the authority in our children’s lives, which is a very important piece of this remarkable work you have undertaken!

THE GIFT OF NO
by Helene McGlauflin

The word no suggests limits, control, rejection, and finality. It is hard to see how this most simple and powerful expression of the negative can be a gift---an expression of concern and favor, an offer of assistance. But for parents, saying no, when done judiciously and appropriately, is a gift that their children need and deserve. It enables them to grow into responsible, balanced adults.

Every child must learn to live with the limitations of life in the world. There are societal rules that must be observed, unsafe acts that should be avoided, types of behavior that cannot be tolerated, chores that eventually must be done. To be a mature and responsible human being means to accept and cope with the natural limits life brings.

The gift of no teaches children they cannot have everything they want when they want it. It says, “You must consider other people and your environment before you act.” It implies that many decisions are not up to children and that sometimes children must do things they do not wish to do. No helps to keep children safe. And, most humbly, this gift gives children a realistic view of life by saying, “You are not in charge of, or the center of, the world.”

Nevertheless, saying no to our children and consistently following through on limits are among the hardest parenting skills to recognize, learn, and master. It is an art to use no wisely, to consciously avoid the danger of being overly restrictive and punitive and to be willing to discipline when necessary. There is an increasing confusion among parents today about the importance of discipline and a consequent reluctance to provide children with the instruction they need in accepting limits. The gift of no is becoming more difficult to give, for various reasons.

In North American culture today, choices and the freedom to choose are highly valued. An abundance of choices is apparent everywhere, from the supermarket to the arena of national politics, creating the illusion of limitless bounty and acquisition. Even limit-setting parents who diligently protect their children from exposure to the media and commercialism must contend with this ubiquitous and powerful cultural dynamic.

Some parents reject, on philosophic grounds, the idea that saying no to children can be instructive or healthy. They may believe children deserve unlimited choices or that children will learn how to make the right choices in the world without external guidance. They may wish to protect their children from the limits of a harsh world for as long as possible. Or they may adamantly believe saying no is mean, since children typically become upset when behaviors are not permitted and wishes are not fulfilled.

Other parents intuitively sense that saying no is in the best interest of children but find it difficult, perhaps impossible, to do. Those with gentle personalities do not easily find a firm voice. Some are exhausted by modern life and cannot muster the stamina that limit-setting demands. Other parents are troubled by guilt about not spending enough time with their children and are reluctant to face the struggles inherent in the process of limit-setting. Some are overcome by the anxiety new parents typically face about whether it is the “right” thing to do for a child.

Yet it is the right thing to do. Ultimately it is an act of love when parents teach their children at a young age fundamental messages about the limits of the world. The children learn an indispensable life lesson in the safety and shelter of their home by those who care most about them. These children develop a strong, settled place within themselves that respects no and all it means. They can then, without undue protest, accept limits from teachers, other authority figures, and from the world.

Setting limits should be a continuous process that starts soon after birth and continues into young adulthood. Very young children can experience the meaning of no in fundamental matters such as behavior toward others (not hitting or hurting), speaking respectfully to playmates and adults, and accepting the rhythm of the day--naps, mealtimes, and so on. If they are lovingly subjected to and learn about limits in these areas at an early age, they will accept them in later childhood as a matter of course.

With older children, parents can address limit-setting in more complex areas, such as completing chores, doing homework, and working cooperatively on teams and in groups. When a solid foundation has been laid in the early years, then the limit-setting during adolescence is simply a continuation of the process and less likely to become a battlefield. Curfews, decisions about what is safe and what is not, and limits on automobile use are approached with teens who fundamentally understand the limitations of the world and the finality of the word no. There are inevitably tears and anguish throughout this process for both children and parents, but with an inherent reward: the development of respectful, responsible young people.

Child who are not taught the meaning of the word no from their parents at a young age will inevitably face the difficulty of learning it outside the family. It is not a question whether they will face it but when they will face it and by whom it will be taught. When this learning process does not take place in a gradual way in the home, it will take place abruptly in the outside world and will involve unnecessary stress and unhappiness for the child, for his peers, and for the adults who must impose limits. A child who has not developed the ability to accept a no, continues to seek what he wants when he cannot have it, suffers considerably when his wishes are not realized, and may use manipulative behaviors to bypass the finality of a no.

Consider two (hypothetical ) children, Mary and John, both aged six, in a kindergarten class that is preparing to use percussion instruments to accompany a song. The teacher has given each child an instrument, and both Mary and John, along with other children in the class, do not receive the instrument they want. Both look very sad and seem reluctant to play their instrument.

The teacher says, “I know lots of people are disappointed they did not get the instrument they hoped for, but all the instruments are fun in their own way.” John, who is used to accepting limits at home, shrugs and starts to play the maracas. Within a few minutes he is happily singing the song with the rest of the children. Mary, unused to accepting limits at home, remains disappointed after the teacher has spoken. She pouts, saying “I don’t want to play the drum,” then breaks into tears as the teacher continues with the song. Soon everyone is happily engaged, focused on singing and playing, except Mary, who has refused to participate.

The reactions of these two children illustrate the gift of no. John has been given this gift in his early years and is familiar with the feeling of not getting what he wants. He knows, from experience, that disappointment passes and that things will be easier for him if he lets go of what he wanted and accepts the reality before him. He says to himself, “Oh, well, I wanted the drum, but the teacher said no and she means it. Maybe these maracas will be fun.”

Mary has not had the benefit of no in her life and is not used to an adult setting limits on what she may have and what she may do. She is not familiar, as John is, with the inner process of being disappointed and moving on. Mary is thinking, “If I stay sad, maybe the teacher will give me the cymbals.” Other adults in Mary’s life usually give her what she wants if she waits long enough. But the teacher is different, and it will take many unhappy times and missed opportunities for Mary to learn this process of accepting disappointment and moving on.

It is important to realize how difficult life can be for a child like Mary, who has not had basic training in accepting limits. Whether she is at school, visiting a friend’s home, or with relatives, incidents like the one described will occur. Several or many times a day, Mary will miss out on the learning and fun her environment can provide her, because she cannot accept the no of the world. She will spend considerable time and energy learning to accept this no. If she is fortunate, she will learn it in childhood and adolescence with the help of the world and adults outsider her family. If she is unfortunate, she will struggle her whole life with accepting limits, following rules and laws, and respecting authority.

Learning to Give the Gift

Some parents have the good fortune to come naturally to limit-setting with their children and do not find saying no difficult or distressing. But for most of us, saying no requires a strength of will and a certainty of conviction that we must painfully learn, develop and maintain. What follows are ideas to help the “most of us” in the latter category as we develop and maintain our ability to set limits.

Develop a strong conviction that saying no is in fact a gift that benefits our children. Although children protest--sometimes vehemently--when we say no, they need the safety and protection it offers and are often deeply reassured when we say it. Look beyond the tears and tantrums to the lesson of life being offered.

Remain calm and abide in that calm when your child protests or throws a tantrum following the establishment of a limit. Develop an image or an idea that can give you strength when you need it. “Limits are like a loving hug” is an image/idea that has helped me tremendously. While my child or a child I am working with is protesting my no, I visualize a large embrace of love and safety.

Begin by saying no emphatically about small things of importance and do not change your mind or give in. Saying no is a muscle that can be exercised and strengthened over time. Keep practicing, and you will find it easier to be firm over increasingly complex matters and issues.

Develop a repertoire of no phrases that are comfortable for you, particularly if you dislike the word itself. “People are not for hitting” works as well as “No hitting.” Others include: “We do not do that in our family”; “I cannot let you do that”; “I do not expect you to understand, but I expect you to do what I am asking”; “I wish you wouldn’t...”

Find as a support another parent who says no and shares your values in limit-setting. When your children are young, this might mean a fellow parent who values an early, consistent bedtime; in middle childhood, someone who does not allow “R” movies; in adolescence, a parent who insists on curfews. Call this parent when faced with a limit-setting challenge to get advice and support.

Giving the gift of no takes foresight and maturity. It is a gift we give our children when they are too young to understand, a gift the value of which they will appreciate only in their adulthood. Children come to understand the gift through the repetition of our giving and their acceptance in receiving it time after time through childhood. When limits are truly received, accepted, and learned, all of society is benefited by the young adults who are prepared to be responsible citizens.